...مراسي غربتي

I started out this month with the post “Straight, Single and Senny Valentino” ridiculing the guys that we have in the sa7ah, and having a wish to find a good one…

Currently,

I moved on to sleep in the middle of the bed, happened sometime last weekend, for the past decade or so I’ve concurred the right side of the bed, my spot, my little version of the “elwesadah el’7aleyah” movie, miss Girly and Dreamy typical behavior,

some time this year my convicted romanticism has withered with some reality checks and I day by day have lost my appetite for romance, my dear sweet Mirandarousa has made an attempt to revive my beating heart and oh she nailed me, got me …. Back to my old state of mind, but as time goes by I’ve surrendered again….

I’d really like to rationalize this and most importantly to segregate any conclusion from the usual concepts that our beloved society’s culture impose on our poor minds, so let me just go with the flow of my ideas,

Yes I admit, like any other straight adult female I’d like to have a male companion, not for the, you know what, but for all those things that you can only get from your opposite sex, for me as a female, I’d like care, tenderness accompanied with strength and wisdom, light soul, simple and clear values,

I want to walk with you hand in hand…

Not to be able to experience the touch of a male companion in my life became my number one reason for all the sadness I’m going through, I blame it for everything even a red traffic light!!

That’s so not me, it didn’t matter that much before, it was like a wish, a little something extra, but never like I’m missing a leg,

Void I find in me, even with every moment in my day is occupied, still there is loss and emptiness, and I keep hanging all my shortcomings all my negative feelings all my unhappiness on that missing touch

I want to put my head on your shoulder….

I know that I can’t plan for, work for, search for, that I can’t do any thing about it, it’s fate!

Ideas keep juggling me back and forth, that didn’t bother me, at least not this much, before, a question keeps repeating it self in my head,

Will I ever have you?

Dismissing those ideas in the past was easy, I could even laugh them out, or create a very dreadful scenario that makes me thankful for not having a male companion, that is not working for me any more, I need something stronger, maybe a slap on my face and a good shake added with a screaming voice: WOMAN WAKE UP!!!

The above could be a good blend of post illness + pre period depression with a touch of frustration after a two consecutive failing shopping expeditions

I feel like a sand lost in a desert yearning to find the sea… to be touched by the waves

Will I ever be found?

Lost,
O